Skip to main content

Love & War

I wish I had something simple to say. A blog post about a DIY project, or a funny story about my kids...
Sometimes, I wish I was more shallow, less feel-y, and didn't have the overwhelming need to express myself.

But then again, I don't wish that. Because that's not me. I'm outspoken to a fault. Not about what you do with your life, but about my own. My soul just has the need to share.

I'm starting a new chapter...

My marriage has ended. Love hurts.

Happy times are beautiful, and wonderful. But it's the hard times that build character, that mold and shape you...the low blows, the scary twists, and the uncertainty. It's in those times of chaos and falling apart, that I have found myself.

I don't have any regrets.
I was meant to learn these lessons.
I've been a quitter. I have done and said things that I'm not proud of. I've been the abused, and the abuser. There were times I was so lost, and I didn't even know who I was.
There were moments when I was so broken inside, that I honestly didn't want to go on. Times that I thought it just wasn't even worth it...the pain was all that I could feel....the aching hurt was the only thing telling me that I was alive and my heart was beating. My happiness was gone. My self-worth shot. My fire for life, put out. But I don't regret those times either...

Ever felt that quiver inside, when you're really sad?  That roaring in your ears that sounds like comes on when you're trying so hard not to cry, not to feel... so you clench your teeth and all you can do is feel your insides quiver and you hear the roaring like crashing waves in your head.  It's a terrible feeling. It's so heartbreakingly pitiful... It's a hopeless feeling. Surrender is sweet in those times... it's the only release. I'm thankful for those moments too.

Because I found myself there.

They say all is fair in love and war.

But that is just not true. Love isn't fair. Life isn't fair.

That's just part of the deal.

Fighting just to fight will never win. Passion without trust will lead you nowhere good. And the security of having someone to love,  without feeling safe to give your love to that person... will make you betray yourself. It will make you lose yourself... over and over and over again. It took many years of repeating the same lessons, for me to get it. Nights of no sleep, days filled with anger. So much sadness...and frustration for both of us. We loved each other. I know that... we will both, always love one another.

But, I was like a leaf. My colors were changing... the old me died, and a new me was born. I couldn't help it. It just happened. Desperation got me nowhere. One foot in front of the other led to running, and after that, I couldn't stop. We grew apart... and it just is what it is.

And now, here I my new place, on my couch, with my cup of coffee, spilling the beans and airing my dirty laundry. There are days when I'm scared and sad...times when I wonder if this is right... moments when I'm weak and I feel broken inside. But then, there are days when I'm so happy...happy to be alive. Proud to have grown. And excited for the future.

Life is funny that way.

Soon, I'll get back to normal. I'll write about the kids...and being a millennial mom, and share my impersonal rants and reviews and such.

But today, I just had the need to share my story. I like make-believe, but real-life is better.

Much Love


Popular Rants and Raves :)

All About Being a Millennial Mom!!!!!!

Being a mother has always been hard, but now, in the 21st century, us millennial moms are really out doing ourselves. We set the bar high! Because we want our kids to have the best, be the best, and receive the best.
To hell with just loving your kid and doing the best you can...that's the mark of a failure. You need to try harder. If you're a good mom, then you will make sure that your kids stay occupied and engaged with soccer and ballet, and socialization...but don't over-schedule them, and be sure to closely monitor their screen time.
It's also important to ensure that your kid is getting a balanced diet full of red meat, fruits, veggies, and probiotics. Milk isn't as good for them as we once thought, so take it easy on the chocolate shake shake.
Also, be sure to invest at least 5 of the 3 hours you actually see your offspring on weekdays, on extra academics... just school, is not enough. Our kids must do more, to be better!
Craft their projects, and always ke…

What Happened When I Took Away Screen Time

As I walked from my kids disgusting bedrooms ...into the messy living room... I became discouraged. I marched onward...into the kitchen ..flipping lights as I went.
I glanced at the dishes piled up. I felt the sticky on the floor. 
I just cleaned all of  this, I thought to myself.

I just freakin had this entire house clean 3 hours ago.   

I started to feel the angst bursting out from my inside my emotions were threatening to get the better of me. I clenched my teeth. The roaring sound in my ears know that sound you hear when you're trying really hard not to cry. Crashing waves from inside my head. It had already been a rough week, and I was trying really hard to keep it together. 

Don't cry. Don't you flippin cry!!! I told myself. 

You did good today. Think of all you did... but it's never enough the other voice says. You can't seem to get it together. What's the problem... this isn't that hard.

There really are voices in our heads... get q…

Get Mad At Your Kids

So, I have some not-so "motherly" advice for you on this fine day. 

Get mad at your kids.

Tell them when they're brats.  Start when they're young too.  Don't put up with those fits.  Don't give in.  Don't make excuses for them. 

I know that some new moms reading this might think I'm a psycho.  I don't care. I give no craps if you approve this message or not.  😏

I was (USED TO BE) you

Love them.  Love the babies.  They need love. I thought.  They need to know I'm always here for them to help them work through any issues they might have.  They need nurturing and kindness and to know how special they are, and how happy they make me.   With great influences... the right love... and the right people, they will be wonderful children that turn into wonderful teens, that blossom into caring, wonderful adults....LOVE is the answer to all.



Not entirely true. 

Kids do need love.  They need to know you love them unconditionally.  They need …

Our Flexible "Routine" How I Juggle Working From Home, Homeschool, & Life

As homeschoolers, we enjoy the perks of being able to choose what we do, and when we do it.
If a fun opportunity comes up, and we don't do school that day...It's okay! If something throws me off track, and I need to handle it-- I do. If we decide to take a spontaneous vacation or lake day in the middle of the week, we can!  It's beautiful!

But this isn't how it has always been for us...

When we first started homeschooling, I struggled to find a rhythm. I was constantly reading blogs about homeschooling, and how others scheduled their time. I thought I needed a routine to stick to...and that all of our time should fit neatly into each day. I (desperately) tried to match how others were doing things, so that we could be "successful."  I was trying to make homeschool, like public school. It was the only idea I had of how to teach my children so that they could learn.
I can't tell you how many schedules I wrote out, typed out, and scribbled on marker boards.…